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Saturday, 2 April 2005
Just thinking out loud......
Topic: Humanity in general
It's really quite amazing the roads life takes you down. One moment life seems wicked and the next it's ideal. (Or as ideal as life can be.) All due to a few events that play out. I have to smile here, because it's a lot like a novel. The choices you make help turn the pages of an endless book.
See, dear reader you have caught me in one of my better moods. Due to certain events that have played out over the course of a few months I have learned a lot about myself. I believe learning about ones self is the first step to helping others. (yes it sounds sappy, stop being arrogant and listen to what I am saying.) I don't really like doing community service but I do like to talk to people and help them out. Usually it's trouble with relationships. Lately I have been having my own trials in the subject and this leads me to what I have learned. I have learned a few things, one, my art work is my first and most passionate love. Second, do not sleep with your friends ex. third, good romantic relationships are based on a good solid friendship and trust. And finally, you never really learn what it’s like until you actually experience it yourself.
As you all know I have serious trust and commitment issues. I need to be with someone who doesn’t just want sex and can understand and love who I am. some one who knows that when I am drawing the outside world dose not exist and only the world drawn by my hand is real for that time. that I don't care if so and so won the super bowl or that Johnny Depp is in the living-room or I won a million dollars, when I draw it's spiritual. I think I found such a person. And I think it's going well so far. I am trying to be more open. It’s not easy and it's going to take a long while but I am trying. Thank you
Posted by shii2
at 3:51 PM MST
Monday, 14 March 2005
I'm Tired....
Mood:
 don't ask
Topic: Poetry
I'm tired.
I'm tired of loving. I'm tired of hating. I'm tired of waiting. I'm so very tired of debating.
I'm tired of love doomed from the start. I'm tired of sewing up my battle scarred heart. I think it's best if we were apart.
I'm tired of your longing stares. Tired of your ridiculing glares. I'm tired of fixing all these tares. I'm tired and no one cares.
I'm tired and I’m warn thin. I don't like how things have been. No, I don't want to talk on the phone.
I'm tired. So leave me the fuck alone.
Posted by shii2
at 6:27 PM MST
Ventio
Mood:
don't ask
Now Playing: a beautiful monster....
Topic: Poetry
I smell your blood and kiss your sweet soft lips.
Virgin in my arms, soft-hearted and blameless.
I lust after that magic, vile substance that pumps though your veins.
I entrance you, adore you...
so unquestioning.
My lips kiss your neck tenderly.
Oh, trusting virgin I feel you shutter as my fangs sink in.
Just a taste.
A little taste.
It will be alright.
I taste the blood.
Hot and thick it sends a wave of pleasure through me so intense it's almost too much. It burns like the passion of sex.
It takes control.
Driving me.
Twisting my own selfish desires.
I hear a tiny gasp and feel bones fracture under my forceful grip but I suck the blood, drinking like a man dieing of thirst.
I can hear the virgin's heart beat quicken and I soar to the uppermost stages of ecstasy!
My heart and the virgin's beating together. We are one and we are nothing at the same time. We crease to become and just be for a moment. Then the mortal's heart beat plummets down, down softer and softer. I release to see the poor innocents last breath.
Eyes glazed over. A final shutter and the light is gone forever from those eyes.
I wept.
I wept for what I had done!
What vile, despicable monster was I to take a life who had done nothing evil?
I cursed myself to die a thousand wicked deaths!
I would never grow old or die.
Never see the sun again.
Never be mortal again.
Forever in the dark.
Evil beyond compare.
Controlled by the thing I love most and hate most.
My soul destroyed as though the century’s humanity slips away and I become more truly what I am....
A beautiful monster.
Discussion: this is Ventio's thoughts about being a vampire and his realization of how powerful the blood lust is and of course how evil he is. He realizes the frailty of humanity and truly acknowledges how truly inhuman he is when he kills a child.
Posted by shii2
at 4:55 PM MST
Thursday, 10 March 2005
mother dear
it's just what i think about some things. i just needed to vent. so i did. and i feel so much better now. so before you read any fearther i warn you the content of this page is not intended to offend anyone or whatever. so if you chose to read past this point it's not my fault....
Mother dear
Mother dear, how I loathe you so,
How could you sink so low?
You dirty fuckin hoe!
Did you like your work today?
You fucked your boss for your pay.
Then you come home and act like everything’s ok.
You kiss your husband on the cheek,
And pray your lies don’t spring a leek.
You stupid fucking freek!
You tell your children one by one,
Your just having some fun.
You try to make it sound like some bad pun.
You watch those men fight for you.
Then pretend that we don’t have a clue,
As we sit and squirm we see right through.
You sadistic twisted hore!
Why don’t you go fuck Bill some more!
What are you doing this for?
Your lies you can’t erase.
Your steps you can’t retrace.
I hate your fucking face!
You drink your wine.
You smoke your cigarettes.
You lie to me through those crooked teeth, saying everything will be fine.
Oh, dear mother of mine,
You are the opposite of Devine.
I resent the fact that you are mine.
I tare my skin,
I taste my blood.
I see your features on my face,
I am utterly repulsed to be your kin.
You’re a fucking disgrace!
I don’t ever want to see you’re cum stained face!
You have fallen from grace.
For all those times you let me down,
I some times think you’d let me drown,
Choking on the lies you shove down my throat.
No more!
I won’t lend you an ear!
I’ll throw your lies in your face, disgraced,
You shamed the human race!
I curse your name!
You make me scream!
In my mind you will never be redeemed.
I hate you, you fucken’ fucker!
Look deep into my eyes,
It’s you that I despise.
You horeing,
Cock-sucking,
Son of a fucking bitch!
I hate you with cold resentment.
No apology uttered from your lying lips,
Your promises fall on deaf ears.
There is nothing you can do to repent.
I curse you.
God damn you, you fucking cunt!
Posted by shii2
at 4:46 PM MST
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